Breezy the Penguin Twin

anderjak:

heysawbones:

A Proud Moment.

I don’t have a degree in eating blocks of cream cheese, which sucks because I’m sure it would add a lot of value to my CV. (Instead, I have “lying, poorly”. Does that count?). 

I did eat a block of cream cheese once, though. I remember it fondly, because it was one of the proudest moments of my life. This probably says a lot about me, though god only knows what.

I used to be part of a youth group, which is to say, yes, I was part of a church once. I was the “youth leader”, which is the church’s way of saying, “you are the only person in the youth group who doesn’t roll your eyes at us, when we talk to you.” What they did not know is that - aside from not actually being terribly religious - I had made the youth minister my sworn enemy.

He was a weird guy. Very young; not too bright, frankly. Had a goatee, because the law requires all youth ministers to have goatees. It’s true. Look it up. He told us that Mormons owned Pepsi-Cola, and that The Gay Agenda created yaoi to recruit young men, the latter of which “fact” was really, really funny. A lot of the things he did were not so funny. Once, we went to a nursing home, where he decided to jump up and down in the elevator. He knew, of course, that I had an elevator phobia. I asked him to stop. He began sing-screaming, LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN, FALLING DOWN, FALLING DOWN as he jumped. A chaperone asked him to stop, couldn’t he see I was afraid? I backed into the corner and crouched there, clinging to the railing. That was the day he became more than just a moron. That was the day I decided I would make his youth-group life a hell.


Most of the time, all I had to do was ask real questions about the Bible, and then ask him questions about his answers, and so on and so forth until he ran out of excuses, or said something deeply embarrassing. One day, he was trying to explain why it was still totally okay for parents to stone their kids to death for disobeying. He was flustered; inarticulate. I pulled a room-temperature block of Philadelphia cream cheese. He watched me unwrap it as he rambled on. I took a bite. I locked eyes. I did not look away. I ate in silence. There was confusion written all over his features. His sentences tumbled apart into further incoherence, and faded away. He was afraid. 

I cherish that moment.

This is the greatest story I’ve ever heard that directly involved cream cheese.

(via sethbrundlefly)

himaryua:

limabeanohio:

okay so you know how everyone wants a tumblr friend but they’re too shy to start up a friendship? if you guys reblog this i’ll look at all of your blogs and find a tumblr soulmate for everyone and i’ll message you the url of your soulmate and you’ll message each other and be best friends 5ever.

Pls

(via singing-showtunes)

There’s no real objection to escapism, in the right places… We all want to escape occasionally. But science fiction is often very far from escapism, in fact you might say that science fiction is escape into reality… It’s a fiction which does concern itself with real issues: the origin of man; our future. - Arthur C. Clarke

(via sethbrundlefly)

A Series of Unfortunate Events (Adult Covers) by Lemony Snicket

I remember reading an article a while back about the reason Bloomsbury released “adult” covers for Harry Potter over in England. It was due to customer demand that adult readers were a bit embarrassed to be seen reading “children’s books” around town. Thus, Bloomsbury released non-illustrated versions of the covers that had simple photographs and a more subdued color-palette.

So it got me thinking. What other popular children’s series would an adult be a bit embarrassed to be seen reading in public? And I immediately thought of Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events. Not only are they covered in (amazing) illustrations on the outside, but have the extra bonus of being a teeny tiny postcard-sized book, telling those on the subway that yes, you read children’s books, and yes, 200 regular-sized pages is where you max out.

With that in mind, I sought to redesign the series for the self-conscious adult. Using the brilliant photography of Rodney Smith, I ditched the orphans on the cover and instead brought the focus of each to that of the illusive Mr. Snicket, observing the events as they happen, later to be retold in his unique prose. His identity in the stories is always in question, as his relationship with the events is shrouded in mystery. Because of this, he remains hidden from view from the reader, even on the cover.

(via supernopetural)

neutralblinghotel:

neutralblinghotel:

a cover of “Five Years Time” by Noah and the Whale

i can’t whistle so i used a slide whistle and it’s…… interesting

i love listening to covers i did a while ago and not hating them too much

(via positivemilkhotel)

Source:

katyamola:

funky-butt:

When Gordon Met Chell

THIS IS EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE EVER WANTED

EVEN USING FUCKING SIGN LANGUAGGEEEGEEEEEEEEEE OMGGGGGG

(via edwardspoonhands)

digital-spoon:

New Years by Elijah and the Lions, You Ready Sessions

(via thehumankitten)

allisonweiss:

nosleeprecords:

Artist: Allison Weiss
Track: Making It Up
Album: Making It Up 7”

Pre-order the new 7” now at www.nosleepstore.com and receive an instant download of the track “Making It Up” after checkout.

HAVE YOU HEARD THIS YET?? PREORDER IT!

notxam:

someone played an lcd soundsystem song over a miles davis trumpet solo and i think i feel alive for the first time in my life

(via positivemilkhotel)

supernopetural:

MY COLLEGE DINING HALL HAD A HARRY POTTER THEME DINNER. THE ENTIRE FREAKING STAFF DRESSED UP. MOSTLY AS TEACHERS, BUT THERE WERE A FEW OTHER CHARACTERS AS WELL. THEY SERVED HARRY POTTER FOOD AND HAD BOMB ASS DECORATIONS. THEY ALSO HAD A GROUP OF PEOPLE SINGING THE SONG FROM THE THIRD MOVIE AND THERE WAS A HUGE SCREEN SHOWING CLIPS FROM ALL DIFFERENT MOVIES. HONEYDUKES WAS IN AN ENTIRE DIFFERENT ROOM SO IT WAS SET UP LIKE A SHOP AND THE FOUR DIFFERENT SECTIONS OF DINING HALL WERE SPLIT INTO THE HOUSES AND IT WAS PERFECT.

MY ENTIRE LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.  

I HAVE THE BEST SCHOOL EVER.